Filmmaker Mike Lobel grew up under a significant yet unspoken rule: “Never ask Dad what he does for work.” For over three decades, this secrecy defined Lobel and his siblings as they navigated their childhood, accompanied by the mysterious persona of their father. In his documentary, Don’t Come Upstairs, Lobel investigates the enigma that shrouded his family’s past.
Unraveling the Family Secret
Lobel’s father presented himself as an engaging and intense figure, skillfully concealing critical details of his life from his children. The family’s dynamic was one of silence regarding his professional life, leaving them with countless questions. “We lived under the same roof, but we couldn’t tell you a lot about him,” Lobel shares in the documentary.
The Family’s Emotional Landscape
The Lobel family faced a complex emotional environment. Lobel’s mother played a pivotal role, providing warmth and stability amid her struggles with health issues. Each sibling navigated their role within this intricate family system:
- Mike: A rebellious spirit, drawn to storytelling and filmmaking from a young age.
- Younger Sister: A naturally responsible figure who sought to maintain order during turbulent moments.
- Youngest Brother: A quieter presence, protective of his emotions and personal world.
Exploring the Past
Now an adult and a filmmaker, Mike Lobel revisits his family history, determined to uncover the truth about his father’s hidden life. His journey involves examining old home videos, family photographs, and engaging with relatives. By revisiting childhood experiences, he attempts to piece together the emotional puzzle.
Reflecting on a pivotal moment when he was just ten years old, Lobel recalls asking his father about his job for a school project, only to be met with anger. This incident cemented the rule of silence around their father’s profession, creating a lasting impact on the family dynamics.
The Ripple Effect of Secrecy
The film exposes how the weight of secrecy affects relationships across generations. In a household where questions were discouraged, trust emerged as a challenging currency. Lobel’s exploration leads him to recognize how these unexamined patterns influence love, coping strategies, and parenting.
As he contemplates fatherhood, Lobel acknowledges that confronting these inherited emotional legacies is essential. Silence can shape family relations in profound ways, but bravery in uncovering the past can lead to healing.
Viewers can immerse themselves in this poignant exploration of family dynamics by watching Don’t Come Upstairs on El-Balad’s CBC Docs YouTube channel.
